Okay so I have said in the past(well just a couple of days since the blog started 3 day ago,lol) that I have OCD,Bi-Polar and multiple depression issues. While I think my Bi-Polar has been with me my whole life looking back on it,but my Major Depression Problems started on Easter Day 1999,when my Hero,My Great Grandmother known to all as Nanny,was taken to the hospital and she was in bad shape the 1st day,but she seemed like she recovered the 2nd day,then the night of the 3rd day I saw her for the last time,and she was really out of it,so I wasn't able to make a proper goodbye,then in the early morning of the 4th day,she passed away. So besides the fact that I didn't get to tell her goodbye,there was a really special moment that I missed because I was back at home. In between the 3rd night and the 4th morning she woke up and said she could see the Gates of Heaven and her husband and my brother who died in a car accident when I was 1 in January 1992 who she was also very close to(so close even tho she was buried in West Virginia,we got a memorial gravestone at the foot of my brother's grave) saying it was her time and they were waiting for her to come home,and then she said her goodbyes and shorty after she died. Sometimes I have trouble with my Spirituality but I often forget about what I was told that night. But this would just be the start of the Year(and half) of Hell.
Shortly after Nanny died,I did have my favorite vacation of all time when I,my parents,my sister and her best friend,and my grandmother and cousin went to Disney World & Universal Studios in Orlando,which was the 2nd time I had went to DW/US and have been there 3 times since. But then December came along. My grandfather on my Dad's side passed away. Then 2 months later my other grandfather(on my Mom's side) passed away. Then 2 weeks later my grandmother(on my Mom's side) almost died and was in the hospital for 4 1/2 months,but she did finally pull through and due to the death of my grandfather/her husband she couldn't stand to live in their house so she moved in with me,and my parents,and since my cousin with down syndrome lived with them most of the time,he moved in as well. But that wasn't the end.
My Mom & Dad had broken up for about a year before I was born,which means that Dad even tho he has ALWAYS been my Dad in my heart,was not my biological father. So the first 10 years of my life I had my Dad and then "Daddy Scott",with "Daddy Scott" being my biological dad So even tho I had 2 Dads,my biological dad was always "Daddy Scott" and never just Dad. But why am I bringing this up? Well re-read the part about the first 10 years of my life,and then remember that I'm 20,which means in 2000 something happened. During the time my grandmother was in the hospital my Mom was taking me to spend a weekend at his house,we drove up there and he wouldn't answer the door. So we eventually stopped knocking on the door and left. Then we tried to call him a few times,and no answer. Then we go to pick some movies we had rented for him up and,he was gone. He had moved out of his house,and didn't tell us. (However 2 years later he would send me a Christmas Card with money in it,and saying he will always love me,and gave me his phone number,and I would call it and I saw him 1 last time for a meal at Taco Bell,where he told me what had happened to him in the past 2 years,like he got married,and had a step-daughter,and that I had a Step-Sister,and then I told him what had went on in the past 2 years and we ended the dinner and he said call me tomorrow to setup another meeting where I could meet his new family,so I called the next day and guess what? The number had been disconnected,what a douche)
But back to the Year(and a half) of Hell,my Sister would move out of the house in March,and then get married in December. And I missed my sister because she was basically my best friend,and when she got married,I was perfect for the rehearsal(I was a groomsmen)and on the night of the rehearsal her husband to be(Matt) gave me a little treasure box with a golden plaque on the bottom of it with a letter to me his future brother,and how special I was to the both of them. And inside the box was a few things to put pictures in,and it was really nice and I didn't expect it. But then came the Wedding Day,which was one of my favorite days of all time for some reason running around the church and seeing my Sissy cry and all the people who had come to the wedding,but when it came time to walk one of my sister's bridesmaids down the aisle,the fact that my Big Sister was getting married finally sunk in,and even tho I had been complemented with how I did the walk down the aisle at the rehearsal so well never having been to a wedding before,I lost my grip,and came pulling the bridesmaid as I basically ran to get to the end of the aisle and take my spot besides Matt and his best man and other groomsmen. And when my sister walked down the aisle,I was choking up,and finally when the preacher started I lost it and broke into tears which in turn made my sister cry and which in turn made my Mom sitting in the front row cry and a few people saying "awwwww". So after the wedding the reception came,and there I was told by Matt's father that I was the worst groomsmen he had ever seen. Yeah telling a 10 year old that was real smart. Then came time for embarrassment as Matt and my sister did this little mini-strip when Matt took the garter off her and threw it out to the guys and which Matt made it a point to throw it to me,and he hit the mark and I caught it and I came home and put it in the treasure box he had given me.
So that was the Year(and a Half) of Hell. And what has happened with my Sister & Matt since then? Well Matt's family started showing that they were all douches which was already assumed about his Dad after the "Worst Groomsmen" comment. So after 5 years of breaking up and getting back together,they finally got a divorce,and not 3 months later she was engaged to someone else. And what happened to Matt when he found out about the Engagement? Well the next day he would tell his parents off like he should have when he was with my sister,and he would drop off their dog at his sister's house. And then 2 days after being told,he committed suicide and jumped off a bridge and died. This is one of the things that was the hardest to deal with because I was fond of Matt,but due to the fact that they broke up and I was 15,when we went on a trip with her and Eric who would a few days later ask her to marry him,I joined with my sister on badmouthing Matt and praising Eric,and shortly after the suicide news came about,and I have felt guilty ever since,even tho he never heard what I said,I hate the fact that I said the things I did,only to hear that earthshattering news a couple weeks later. And I can't even begin to think how hard it was on his brother and sisters and parents. But what made this even worse? Well a month and a half after the suicide my sister married Eric in Gatlinburg,TN on horseback. Well 3 months later my Sister & Eric would move all the way to TEXAS! Why? Because his kids from his 1st marriage were moving there because his first wife got a new job,and he didn't want to lose his kids,so...
And then 2 and a half years after getting married,they file for divorce and my sister eventually moves back to Ohio,and then begins to talk about how horrible Eric was,and the rest of my family start talking about how they Loved Matt but only just liked Eric. And now a year after moving back to Ohio,she has been dating a guy for about 10 months,and they have already moved in together. And while I love the new guy as we both have a love for Stand Up Comedy & Wrestling(oh and his name is Andy) I can't help but think if I'm getting so close to him(and his 2 daughters from his 1st marriage) what impact will it have if they too break up? I mean I hope(and pray) it doesn't happen because he really seems head over heels in love with her in a way that Eric and even Matt never seemed to be,and she is the happiest I have ever seen her but I got so close to Matt,and got semi-close to Eric that its hard to think about losing him to a break up,and I am in love with his 2 daughters,as I am much closer to them as I ever was with Eric's 2 kids,and consider them to be my nieces even tho they haven't gotten married yet(or even engaged).
So the Year and a Half of Hell was bad but it has brought so much more heartbreak since with the multiple break ups and of course the suicide.
Well thats my story of how my depression issues began. This is my last blog until Friday,so till next time Good Afternoon,Good Evening,and Good Night for 5 days to all!
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